When they are excused from the principal office, Kay runs away so fast, Kazu doesn't even got a chance to say anything to her. The remaining hours at the school has been hell to say the least. The stares are suffocating. Rumor is brewing across the school about this new student who gets into fight the first day at school. And how fitting it was for the student she land her fist on one of her family's rival.
How childish! Kazu can't wait for the bell to ring so she could go back home and hit some straw dummy in the dojo. She is thinking about the extra plump one she used to keep to herself. That dummy just got a new name now and Kazu will make sure that it will be spelled right across its hay-stuffed chest in bright red. SU WEI.
Kazu is angry-stuffing her books when Valerie comes and slides onto the empty seat in front of her. Candy bar is carefully placed on Kazu's desk. A peace offering. She sees the small trembles on the tips of those perfectly manicured hands. Kazu looks up. Val is looking at her, conflicted.
Val: Thank you for helping that kid..
She says. Eyes looking tired.
Kazu: I could use your help in the Principal's office. Su Wei was running her mouth and he just took her words for it.
Val: I really shouldn't get involve in the matter.
Kazu: But you should..
Val: No you don't understand. There's a rule we have to follow.
Kazu: When will you realize that you are the rule?
Kazu gets up, throws her bag over her shoulder and leaves Valerie there. If she stays there any onger, she might says things she doesn't mean. It's better to leave it at an impasse. But Valerie is quick to regain herself. She chases Kazu down the hallway. Kazu stuffs her earbuds, universal signal to don't-talk-to-me-not-interested. Valerie grabs her hand, takes the earbuds away.
Val: I can't help but to feel like you're judging me, Miura.
Kazu: I might be.
Val: Don't do that. You don't know me. You don't understand.
Kazu: Explain to me so that I can understand. Help me understand why you guys are not doing anything about this. Especially you, Romanov.
Val: It's complicated.
Kazu: It really is not.
Val: You don't get it.
Kazu: You'll be surprised that I do.
Valerie bites her lips. At this stage she might bite them off. Kazu sighs. She doesn't want to get on Valerie's bad side.
Kazu: Ahh..
She pinches the bridge of her nose, a habit of hers when she is trying to calm herself down.
Kazu: Look, I don't know what happened between you and that awful Su Wei..
It's true. She doesn't know. Or maybe she doesn't remember.
Kazu: But it's not about her. It's not about you. It's about the people who are affected by it. This is a power play; I get that. If you want to talk to me about it, feel free to do so but if you don't.. *sigh* I have to go and release some steam.
Kazu looks at Valerie, waiting for a response. Valerie had this exasperation plastered on her face. Kazu huffs; relaxes her shoulders, getting ready to leave Valerie. Valerie remains planted in front of Kazu albeit quietly in her own mind. Doesn't seem like she's letting this go anytime soon. Nibbling on her lower lips, Valerie nervously reaches for Kazu's arm. She tugs on the hem of her uniform softly. Kazu spares her a calm look though it seems more like a scowl on her perpetual cold face.
Val: If you can spare me some time, I would like to explain myself
Kazu: What do you have in mind?
Val: Milkshake? My treat.
It's weird how they end up going to the ice cream parlor near the main gate instead of going of their separate ways. Valerie sits in front of Kazu, slurping her milkshake gracefully. Is it even possible to slurp something that gracefully? Kazu starts to think yes, it is possible. Valerie sighs for the nth time. Even Kazu feels a bit annoyed by now.
Val: I really don't know where to start.
Kazu spoons herself a dollop of whipped cream from Valerie's mug. Valerie seems triggered to say something about that but instead she looks away.
Val: Let's see. A year back, something similar happened. Back when Su Wei and I were pretty much what you would call "best friends". She was kinder back then. Or maybe she just pretended to be nice. I don't know. I was stupid.
She takes another sip from her mug. The milkshake tastes oddly bitter on her tongue. She draws a deep breath as if she is about to dive into a bottomless lake of some sort. She runs her eyes elsewhere, farther away from everything.
Val: There was this kid, Petra. Innocent little fellow. Much like that kid you saved..
Kazu: Karyn.. Her name is Karyn.
Kazu corrects her. Valerie lets out a bitter chuckle. Her eyes droop heavy, fixated to the mug in her clasp.
Val: Yes. Just like Karyn. Like Karyn, Petra was from the third class.
She pauses. There is sadness in her tone.
Val: She was very bright, very kind. Everybody likes her to some extend. Well at least nobody hates her.
Kazu, for the life of her couldn't find that name anywhere in her memory. Petra. Who is she? Why is she important in this story? She can't fake her disinterest in the matter but it seems important to Valerie.
Val: I didn't know back then but Su Wei seems to like torturing the poor kid. Petra came up to me asking for help. She seemed desperate. I denied her plea for quite sometimes because it didn't seem like my place to meddle. But things got way too disturbing to ignore. I tried talking sense into Su Wei and it put strain on our friendship. She is not the kind that would take criticism nicely. So I raised it up with the principal. There was a big probe carried out by the school council. It was a fierce battle. Half through it, Petra begged me not to proceed with the probe but I went ahead and persevere through it. I gave her my word that I would protect her. That Su Wei would get what's coming for her.
Kazu: What happened next?
Val: Su Wei was suspended.
Kazu: That's good. So what went wrong?
Valerie pauses. Her shoulders droops even lower.
Val: Petra dropped out of school.
Kazu: Huh? But why?
Val: Her parents were laid off and she lost her sponsorship. You see, they worked for Su Wei's company. And after the whole mess, the company just decided to drop them. She couldn't continue her study here. She blamed me for it. Saying that I should have let it go when she asked.
Kazu feels like a jolt running down her spine. Eyes wide open, jaws tightened. Valerie is at a brink of tear. Kazu couldn't discern whether it's out of sadness or fear.
Val: You overestimated my influence at school, Kazu. I overestimated myself when I decided to help Petra. I shouldn't have done what I did. I was overconfident and I couldn't follow through my promise.
Kazu squeezes Valerie's hand softly. Her eyes trails Valerie's face.
Kazu: But that's not your fault, Val. You helped her. You couldn't have known what would happen after.
Val: I didn't help. I made it worse. Lennox was everything to Petra. It's her golden ticket. A ticket to become someone.
Kazu: I know about the system long before I enroll to this school. I get that being in Lenox opens up door but that doesn't excuse being bullied! If she thinks you're doing a disservice by helping her escape being bullied, that's her problem. Not yours. And all this while you let Su Wei do whatever she wants because of Petra?
Val: It's not that simple, Kazu.
Kazu: Karyn is not Petra. Did you see what Su Wei did to her?
Val: I had my suspicion. But truly, if it's Su Wei, I'd rather not do anything about it.
Kazu sighs. Blood is raising to her head.
Val: You don't understand Su Wei. I do. She does this on purpose. The more concerned I am for the girl, the worse she's gonna get. It's not helping that Karyn is the same case with Petra. Her parents work for RadicalUG.
Valerie huffs.
Val: Shu Wei's family is the reason why she is accepted to this school. If Radical UG terminates her parents, she's done for. Do you understand? And it's not just her. Half the students in her class benefited from this system. It's just so happen that Su Wei is her patron. Petra tried to fight the system and what happened to her?
Kazu: You can't expect me to believe that there's nothing we can do about it?
Val: If you care for her and others, stay out of it. The less you seem invested in her, the less Su Wei will be. She only have this year left in Junior, just two more months to go. The scholarship agreement doesn't allow for patron transfer. If she loses her sponsorship, she has to leave school. She can't even re-apply to come here again.
Air stales. Quiet. There are too many information to process at one time. Kazu stares at her empty mug, contemplating. It takes a few minutes before Kazu opens her mouth again.
Kazu: How is it that Nova Corp doesn't have a hold in RadicalUG? I thought all the company in the region has to bow to you. Say a word and they'll do whatever you want them to.
Kazu snickers. She is shaking her head in disbelieve.
Val: I've tried pressuring my parents about that. But RadicalUG is different. They have a strong foreign foothold. Honestly, it gets on my nerve that I can't do anything to her.
Kazu: RadicalUG is that powerful?
Val: Not the company itself but the family that is supporting them. But that's a story for another day. Talking about Su Wei and her damn company makes me sick.
The thing she asks from Valerie is not an easy one and listening to her reasoning, she knows, Valerie had done some thinking on it. She looks at Valerie then shines a defeated smile.
Kazu: I can't feign my concern about Karyn Becker. If Su Wei wants to have another round with me, she can have it. But I will not back off from Karyn
Val: But why Becker?
Kazu: She's..
Kazu pauses. She can't really say that Kay is dear to her. Not when they haven't known each other that well yet.
Kazu: She's weak and I have a hero complex. I just can't let it go. Don't worry. Like you said. Just two months. Two months and it's over.
***
Kay paces in front of the nursery. She looks at the gate like there is a force field stopping her from entering. It is never a chore to fetch her baby brother from the place but she hates the stares she got from the adults. Kay doesn't know why but each gaze feels so heavy and demeaning. There's a lot going on in her head right now and putting up a cheery smile in front of adults is a tiring process. Kay wipes her tears clean before pushing the sliding door open. Before she could even say hi, a small boy comes running to her legs with bright big eyes.
"Aein.."
Kay coos at the cute mispronunciation of her name. The little boy mispronounce her name on a daily basis but instead of getting annoyed by it like she always do with strangers, Kay just can't get enough of it. Especially when he is growing up so fast.
Kay: Have you been waiting for me?
She drops down to her knees to be on the same eye level with the little one.
"Are your parents running late today too, Karyn?"
A women thrice her age emerges bearing small backpack and baby shoes. Kay recognizes the kind face. Mrs Weber passes the backpack to the little boy. He struggles a bit before manages to wear it properly.
Kay: I'm so sorry Mrs Weber. They had some event to attend to. I should have come sooner. Sorry for making you stay late.
Weber: It's fine, Karyn. Karl has been a delight today.
Kay: We'll be off now. Thank you, Mrs Weber.
Kay lifts the little boy firmly. He coils his arms around Kay's neck, head snuggles comfortably by the nook. The little boy, Karl Becker is Kay's baby brother, 12 years younger than her. She rarely gets to see him in the future since they are living in different city. She misses him so much. The baby him would follow her around the house all day crying "Aein" nonstop. The teenage Karl is less invested in her. Last time she went for a visit, he straight slammed the door to her face. Ahh.. time..
It doesn't take long for them to reach home. The house is empty.
Their parents are working parents. Hardly at home on time. Karyn takes the responsibility to feed and prepare the 2-year-old for bed. It's a well oiled routine by now. She used to hate it but she finds it calming now. Watching the little boy splashing the water in the shallow tub puts her at peace.
She used to hate him, the little boy. Hate is a strong word but there's no appropriate word to explain it. She hated how much Karl took after their parent; she hates how different she looks from her brother. Their parents never confronted Kay of her true parentage. They never explain why Karl looks so different than her. Kay suspects that she's adopted somehow. Maybe her mom took pity on her back where she came from and adopted her into the family as a Becker. Kay never knew. To be honest, she's not that eager to find out. The older she gets, the more detached she is to the whole issue. But it is eating her inside. It feels like they're just playing house and she's the odd one out. Even as an adult she never press her parents about it. It's a question she doesn't want an answer to.
Right now, she's appreciating all the time she has lost. She misses this. She misses the peace at home. Away from malice and degradation she has to endure at school. She pull Karl closer to her chest, sniffing the fresh smell of baby powder on his cheek. Karl chuckles in response. She puts him in his favorite unicorn pajama. He must have had a blast at the kindergarten today. He wouldn't stop mumbling about "castle", "Nona" and "Tub-tub" what ever those mean. Mom had prepared them dinner. Kay only need to heat them up and get Karl to eat his food which was easier than done. Kay cleans him up after, plays a few rounds of hide-and-seek and when the boy starts to rub his eyes lazily, Kay scoops him up, lay him in his bed. Karl resists for a few time, fingers twisting the buttons on Kay's uniform and he then snoozes to dreamland.
All of a sudden tears come running down her cheeks. She sobs timidly. She swallows her bitterness, hanging desperately on the tiny hand in her own. She falls asleep soon after. At around 9, mom and dad come home. Tears dried with her curling next to Karl.
[2003 Feb 4]
Kay moves swiftly through the excited crowd by the entrance, never once lifting her face to say hi to anyone. Her nimble body and her unimpressive aura help to perfect her amazing skill of moving undetected by every living thing that come her way and to be honest, she's quite proud of that. When she reaches the classroom, most of the kids are still outside, exchanging pleasantries and enjoying the rare sunny morning. Kay is not that interested in weather. It's freaking February. Sunny or not, she's not gonna brace the cold for another minute.
She's early today. Another rare occasion. All thanks to the ruckus in their household. Her parents are up early to catch the first flight to Japan for God knows whatever reason this time and that in turn forces her to wake up early. They take Karl with them saying that they're don't know when they are coming back and how it is irresponsible to leave the little kid in Kay's care. How about them leaving Kay to tend to herself alone? Sometimes Kay wonders why none of her neighbors ever call the child service on them.
They could have just take her along and she could be away from the school for a bit. But the library duty complicates things bit.
She takes out her math textbook, skimming through today's lesson. Not that she has too. She still remembers the lessons. It's just her habit to do so. She's an avid student. Her only joy in school is to understand all her lesson. She might not be the brightest but she's quite known to be the keenest when it comes to math homework. Seems fitting considering where she ends up as an adult.
There's a familiar sound coming her way. The obnoxious finger tapping on the desk coupled with breathy steps, the sound of thigh skin brushing against each other. Kay doesn't have to look up to know that Su Wei is coming her way. She stops next to her, knocking on her desk. Thud! Thud! Kay braces herself for the regular taunt.
Su Wei: Well well well.. Good to see my tool is up and about so early.
Chills run up her spine. She doesn't look up but she knows by the rustling around, the few people who are still in the classroom has unanimously decided to join the other kids outside. It's just her and Su Wei now.
Su Wei cloaks her arm around Kay's shoulder, firmly pulling Kay close to her. Kay could feel her warm breath on her cheek, the slight pungent smell of onion from her breakfast. It takes away all the cold breeze that has been lingering on her skin.
Su Wei: Might I remind you, you little shit, remember who you're up against.
Her whisper rings loud next to Kay's ear.
Kay: But I didn't say anything to the Principal.
Su Wei: Exactly. The next time we land in that situation, remember what my fist feels like. Don't make me sound like a fool in front of my own family.
Kay nods timidly. She hates herself. She hates her inability to fight back. She feels numbness creeping on her forearm, an unidentifiable crawls that makes her wants to cut herself just to stop it. Su Wei is standing way too close to her that she could feel her immense body heat enveloping her own. It is suffocating.
"Hey Becker!"
A voice rang from the other side of the classroom feels like a gush of cold air. Kay raises her head to the source. Kazu is standing by the door with Valerie hiding behind her.
Kazu: Don't forget our library duty! I've packed us lunch.
It's hard to hide her delight. A small smile almost creep through her still lips but Kay knows not to annoy Su Wei with any hint of happiness so she regresses. A slight nod is a sufficient response. Kazu nods back with a cheesy salute. Valerie's disgusted sneer at Su Wei doesn't go unnoticed to both Kay and her bully. Su Wei is ready to hurt Kay for that look but perhaps luck is on Kay's side just then when the students enter the classroom followed by a familiar hello from one Miss Markell. The bubbly teacher is standing in front of the classroom, eager to start their first lesson. Su Wei throws Kay a warning look before retreating to her seat and Kay can breathe easy again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The bell rings marking the recess hour. The students come pouring out of the classroom. Kay is swift enough to leave the area before Su Wei could make her way to her desk. Kay heads straight to the library where she hopes she would get some peace and quiet. It gives her a hope to meet her friends there although she knows they're not the friends she has known her whole life. At times she wonders if she had dreamed growing up to be the red headed girl. So far, no one she meets gives her any reason to think otherwise.
The crowd gets thinner the closer she gets to the library. It is not a popular spot considering the bright sunny day outside. Most of the students would prefer the lake or the club house. She on the hand adores the library. The sheer size of it amazes her every time. Kay enters the main hall after signing her name at the main office. The smell of old books and the beauty of the recently polished marble busts lining the hallway really makes Kay giddy with excitement. It's one of those things that makes it worth while to stay.
Bup! It feels like a bulldozer just emerges from nowhere and Kay is now free falling.
A towering body quickly grabs Kay before she falls from the impact. It's Roderick Berkenstock!
Roderick: Wow, lucky I grab you there. You don't want to break Principal Finnigan's new bust.
Roderick points to the said bust mere inches from Kay's head. Time stops for a second and a peculiar warmth creeps to Kay's face. She has the longest crush on the boy prefect. Roderick smiles sweetly at her while his arm is still tuck around Kay's waist.
"Maybe if you look at the way you're going, you won't bump into people and make them break the ugly bust"
Roderick smirks at the voice. He pulls Kay to stand. Valerie playfully hit his arm. Valerie being there is quite a surprise but Kay know not to question things. As long as nobody is hitting anybody, she could deal with it.
Val: Glad that you're here. Kazu is waiting for us inside. Let's go.
Kay: Ah.. yes..
Valerie grabs Kay's hand and lead her through the door heading to the centre greenhouse. From a distance, Kay smiles at the image of Kazu rearranging boxes of lunch on the table. When she turns around, Kay notices a slight tinge of pink in her cheeks, her eyes are locked on someone next to Kay. It is something she doesn't notice before. Kazu is looking at Roderick. Kay takes the seat after the rest of them pick theirs.
Kazu shoves a lunch box towards Kay with a smile on her face. She looks happy, giddy even. Kay would want to think it's for her but now she realizes it is for Roderick. The thought of never suspecting Kazu's feeling for Kay's crush util now is burning her brain. She remembers telling Kazu about how deeply she feels for Roderick in the past. Kazu were her unofficial intel because of close she was with the boy. Roderick liked to read Harry Potter, she once told Kay. So the next day Kay would have a copy of Harry Potter in her hand and Roderick would be so excited to share his thought on the literature with her. Kazu told her, Roderick liked to play video games, that they would spend hours on a quest together. Kay didn't notice the glint in Kazu's eyes whenever Roderick's name pass through her lips. But now she sees it very clearly.
She remembers the time when another close friend of Roderick comes to her bearing a secret that at one point in time, Roderick likes her too. And Kay, obliviously tells the story repeatedly to Kazu. The thought of how painful that would be to Kazu is now weighing on Kay. Oh my God.. What did I do?
Noticing how the food in Kay's lunch box is barely moving, Kazu calls out for her softly.
Kazu: Is the food not to your liking?
Kay snaps back from her overthinking. She looks at the food in her box and in other's.
Roderick: Do you want my sandwich instead? Maybe Japanese food is not your thing?
Roderick pushes his uneaten lunch to Kay.
Roderick: In return, give me your lunch box. I love Japanese bento.
He takes Kay's lunch box with quickness. Panic stricken, Kay barely able to stop him. Kay looks at Kazu, gauging her reaction. Her face turns from sad to slight smile. So she hates that Kay is getting Roderick's sandwich but is over the moon about Roderick liking the bento she prepared. Valerie slaps Roderick on the shoulder.
Val: Impertinent.. Kazu prepared that for Becker. Why are you even here?
Roderick: I can ask the same question to you, Val.
Valerie is lost for word. She turns back to her own bento. Kazu lets out an amused chuckle. After their milkshake date yesterday, Valerie has been following her around. And when Valerie is arund, Roderick is not far behind.
Val: You are embarrassing, Roderick Birkenstock.
Roderick: As long as Becker doesn't mind, no harm done, right? Do you mind, Becker?
Kay shakes her head. Roderick playful smile is blinding. It's exactly his flirting nature that makes Kay fall for him. Kazu is quiet. She empties her own bento rather quickly but gracefully. Her chopsticks dance from the box to her mouth. It is mesmerizing to watch.
Val: We better hurry. Library duty means actually doing some library related work, not eating in the conservatory.
***
Kay hides between the shelves, carefully collecting the books left by students. They are not allowed to rearrange the book on the shelves since they are not familiar with Dewey Decimal System. She stays relatively away from the other three. She doesn't feel comfortable sitting among them now that she sees what she should have seen years before. Then again, it's weird to put it that way because Kay finds it hard to believe that she truly has traveled back to the past. Some past memories are blurry at best for her and it's not like she could consult other people.
She focuses on task at hand, diligently locating the misplaced books. One book is sitting in the crevice of the old bookshelves that she struggles fishing it out. Kay notices a presence at the next row. Looking up, she sees Kazu and Roderick standing next to each other. They don't seem to notice her squatting nearby. Kay peeks at Kazu's face that remains stoic. She moves in a glacial pace as if time belongs to her and her alone. Kay gasps at the beauty. Kazu seems very different to her keen eye. To others she might seem distant and unyielding but Kay sees the sign. She notices how Kazu's eyes linger slightly on Roderick when he is not watching. Her usually closed lips rest slightly ajar and curl into a natural smile. It is barely noticeable.
Roderick: How do you like being here, Kazu?
Kazu: The library?
Roderick: No, I mean the school. You've just transferred here. It couldn't have been easy to adjust.
Kazu: It's bearable.
Roderick: How about friends back home? Do you miss them?
Roderick is trying to dig some dirt. His eyes avoid Kazu's. He is probably intrigued by the rumors circulating the school after Kazu's clash with Shuwei. Kazu puts the book down. She looks at Roderick with a gentle smile and Roderick is shaken by her brazen reaction.
Kazu: This is home to me. Don't you remember?
Roderick: Huh?
Kazu chuckles at Roderick knitted brows.
Kazu: I was born here. If anything, this is my true home. I was away for a few years to train with my maternal family.
Roderick: Train? So the Miura still practice.. (he hesitates to continue)
Kazu: I guess you were interested in the gossip of me learning killing art and applying it on a fellow student back in my old school.
Roderick is taken aback. It is exactly what he is curious about but he tries not to approach the topic too directly. Being Kazu, she likes to address issues head's on.
Kazu: It's just a family kept martial art. All martial arts are killing art if you're resolute enough. But for me it's just art. A beautiful one. My last school is specifically focusing on honing martial artists. We had tournament every quarter. In the recent tournament, my sparring partner was injured. A few broken fingers are normal there. I don't know why people add to the story that I've killed someone.
Roderick: Broken fingers?
He shudders at the thought. Broken fingers brings up a very painful memory in him. Kazu chuckles slightly.
Roderick: Do you have broken fingers, Kazu?
He asks timidly, eyes trailing to Kazu's slender fingers which are wrapping a book. Kazu puts down the book, left hand floating in front of her amused face.
Kazu: I've once broken a pinky when I was 6. But it's nothing related to my training.
Roderick: Must have been awful. What happened?
Kazu: A boy accidentally slammed a door on it when we were playing.
Roderick: When you were 6?
Kazu: When we were 6.
Gears are turning. Kazu is smirking. Heartbeat's rising. Roderick's eyes widen as he comes to a realization. He draws Kazu's face closer in his palm. Kazu's ears are turning pink though her face remains as stoic as ever.
Roderick: You..Zuko..
Kazu: Took you long enough to recognize me. And my name is not Zuko. I've told you so many times.
Kazu smiles widely. Roderick on the other hand has this mixture of nostalgia and apologetic look on his face. Kazu pries the fingers that are enveloping her face. Probably because she doesn't want Roderick to notice the rising heat in her cheeks.
Roderick: I'm so sorry for hurting you back then. It was an accident. I was upset that you were leaving. I was just a kid.
Kazu: I know. Don't worry about it. I wear it like a badge of honor. I told people it's from my training. You can't imagine how impressed they were.
Roderick: What's so impressive about a broken finger?
Kazu bursts into fit of laughter. She only stops when the strict librarian shushes them. Kay sinks deeper into her hiding place. It feels so wrong to be there listening to their childhood story. She is relieved to have known now though. If she knows it back then, she might not have been that understanding. She would have blamed Kazu for liking the same guy as her. Both of them would step aside but things would remain as secret and grow into bitterness that last through their friendship. Kay makes up her mind that day not to take Roderick's flirting any thought. Being an adult that she is, she would rather forgo a meaningless fling than to Kazu.
